


Jane Does Not Approve

by PumpkinDoodles



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: All the ways Darcy Lewis keeps meeting criminals and villains, F/M, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 07:42:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18912550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: It's not Darcy's fault that she attracts criminals...is it?





	1. phystech (Darcy/Vanko)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Meilan_Firaga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meilan_Firaga/gifts), [Mellifera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellifera/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! This is an AU where Vanko just went to jail at the end of Iron Man 2 and a slight spin-off of this Taserbones tumblr prompt fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18699337/chapters/44880052

“Don’t you think this is going a little far? I mean, I know you had that childhood thing for Viggo Mortensen when he played Lucifer in that angels movie, but at least fangirl over fictional villains, Darce,” Jane said. She peered at Darcy’s laptop wallpaper. Darcy changed it according to her male fascination of the moment. There had been the brief obsession with Prince Harry when they were  in London, several months of Steve Rogers in his classic dress uniform, that hot Canadian prime minister cuddling pandas, and now, _this?_

“But Janey, he was a physicist! An actual STEM hottie,” Darcy said, sighing. “I only stan his pre-criminal phase.” The smiling man on her laptop screen had been very good-looking, not that Jane would ever, _ever_ admit it.

“Ivan Vanko, though?” Jane said. “Vanko?”

“Hush, he hasn’t done any of those things yet. Baby Ivan is just taking physics 101 there, he doesn’t know,” Darcy said, patting the top of her laptop jokingly.

“I’ll make sure to accelerate my work on time portals, so you can go back and rescue him before he does all the bad things,” Jane said wryly.

“Technically, all he did was sell a little weapons grade plutonium, go to jail, serve his sentence, then try and kill Tony after his father died,” Darcy said. “If they’d had a solid rehabilitation program in post-Soviet Russia, maybe he could have reintegrated into society in a more healthy way and not fallen deeper into his Stark vendetta because of grief. He could have been like Ava Starr! You met her, she’s nice. Totally rehabilitated.”

“How--how did you know that?” Jane said.

“I googled, he’s been updating his Wikipedia in jail. He uploaded a link to his second master’s thesis on engineering, but it’s all in Russian. He debates engineering theories with people on Reddit during his weekly computer time.”

“Okay,” Jane said. “If that makes you happy, Darce.”

“Not _happy_ happy, just wistful,” Darcy said. “I wonder how his life would have been different if Howard hadn’t had the whole family deported back to Russia? Like, did his mom deserve that? She died, you know, of malnutrition and pneumonia, while he was in jail.”

“Sometimes, I worry about you,” Jane muttered, walking away.

 

Jane had totally forgotten about Darcy’s Ivan Vanko thing when she started working with Tony on a project. She had an idea; Tony was supposed to be the lead engineer. “My theorem’s solid, we’re  just having problems with the engineering,” Jane explained, as they sat down with Fury. It was part of the electromagnetic conductor for a pocket-sized portal that could move people from place to place instantly. Tony thought it could be usefully added to his suit and Jane had agreed to give early access to SHIELD, provided it could be used to evacuate civilians in emergencies. She wanted her tech to be used to save lives.

“There’s someone else who might be able to solve your engineering problem, Stark,” Fury said. He gave Tony a long look. “We’ve still got him in custody.”

“No, no way, that Soviet relic is not touching anything that goes on my suit,” Tony began.

“Who?” Jane said.

“Ivan Vanko,” Fury supplied crisply. “He’s just as good an engineer as you. Maybe better.”

“Maybe better?” Tony said, clearly offended.

“His daddy didn’t leave him a billion dollars for his suit and he still got the jump on you,” Fury said, shrugging. Jane thought Maria Hill did a tiny grin behind him, but it was so quick she wasn’t sure.

“No--” Tony repeated, before Jane interrupted them.

“How many people died in New York because we couldn’t move them out quickly?” she said. “Or the next time?” Tony stopped, shut his mouth, and sighed.

“Fine,” he said, rubbing his hair. “We bring him in, but under supervision, and only because it will save lives if we have this tech available ASAP,” Tony said.

 

Darcy was following Jane into the more secured facility, pushing a cart full of their equipment. She had been warned that Vanko wouldn’t have access to her or Jane, just the machinery. He’d be working in an adjoining space and there would be Stark security and SHIELD agents present at all times. “Are you nervous?” Jane asked her.

“No,” Darcy said. She did glance at Vanko when they walked in. His lab was all reinforced glass, a variation of the container they’d once put Loki in, only bigger. It had a door, though. He was working with notebooks, sketching. “He brought Sestra?” she said out loud. At Jane’s blank look, she added, “His bird?” The bird had its own Wikipedia section.

“It was part of his terms,” Jane said.

“Aww,” Darcy said. The large tropical bird was perched on his shoulder. It bobbed gently whenever he fed it.

 

They worked without incident for two weeks. Vanko stayed in his lab, they stayed in theirs. Darcy thought she might have caught him looking at them curiously a few times, but he was very careful.

 

Jane needed some old notes one afternoon, so Darcy got her laptop from their usual lab space. She’d propped it up facing Vanko without thinking about the wallpaper. They had been working for several hours and Jane had gone off to consult with Tony downstairs when there was a dim knock. Darcy looked up. Ivan Vanko was sitting facing her. He’d leaned forward to tap on the glass, then stepped back. She got up and walked over. “Yes?” she said. He tilted his head and looked at her.

“Is me,” he said. The guard looked slightly between them.

“He can’t get out, ma’am,” he said to Darcy.

“What?” Darcy said, still looking at Vanko.

“Me,” he repeated, pointing. His voice was muffled slightly, but clear. “Dulgoprudny. 1985. Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology.”

“Oh,” Darcy said, realizing he’d seen the laptop and turning bright red. “Shit,” she muttered, turning around and going to shut the laptop. Behind her, Vanko chuckled.

“I was very good-looking, no?” he said. “But is not so good to be handsome in Kopeisk Prison.” Darcy looked back at him in surprise. He continued talking, rolling a toothpick between his teeth, and watching her carefully. “So, I fight instead.”

“Prison fights?” Darcy said. “Like boxing?” He laughed again.

“Like death match, _golubchik,”_ he said. “Not so pretty anymore.” He gestured to his face. Darcy was afraid she had offended him.

“Your--your face is fine?” she said, trying to figure out what was appropriate. He laughed more loudly and shook his head.

“I have mirror,” he said, shrugging. “And there was a lot of vodka in Kopeisk.”

“You had vodka in prison?” she said. She’d heard of prison wine, but not vodka. He nodded.

“Also, cocaine and heroin from Afghanistan,” he said. “It was very interesting time. I get tattoos, I make friends with Siberian crime boss. He uses me as enforcer.”

“Uh-huh,” Darcy said. “I bet so.” He was sort of terrifyingly muscular now, up close. And covered in Russian prison tats. His shoulders reminded her vaguely of one of those heavy, boxy pit bull dogs. Vanko was all neck and chest.

“But I miss my birds,” he said, feeding Sestra gently.

“Yes,” Darcy said, “I’m sure you did.” The SHIELD guard looked frankly alarmed.

“He never talks this much,” he whispered to Darcy, eyeing Vanko.

“Talk, talk, talk, all Americans do is talk,” Vanko said. “Me? I make things, not talk. This is done.” He pushed his notebook. “I fix design. I make prototype next. You tell Tony Stark I win this time.”

 

The scientists and Fury came and stared at Vanko’s sketch. “Fuck me, I think he did it,” Tony said. “He solved the nano-circuitry problem.” Tony sighed. Vanko was relaxing in his cell.

“Can we trust him to make a prototype?” Jane said, narrowing her eyes.

“Do you know how many new threats come across my desk everyday?” Fury asked. “We made that call when we brought him here.” He walked closer to the clear cell. “Mr. Vanko, I’m giving you your prototype materials.”

 

Vanko looked over. “Good,” he said. “Where is nice assistant?”

“Excuse me?” Jane said.

“Your assistant, Doctor,” he said.

“You stay away from her,” Jane said.

 

“What’s that about?” Tony asked, as they left that floor.

“I’m afraid it’s a mutual affinity now,” Jane said. “Damn it. How does this happen? First, Loki likes to prank her for attention, now Ivan Vanko,” she was muttering.

“I don’t get it,” Tony said.

“Darcy loves criminals, criminals love Darcy. I think it’s her empathy. And her boobs,” Jane said, shaking her head. They got to Jane’s lab. Darcy was standing inside. “Did you engage with Vanko?” Jane said, putting her hands on her hips.

“Ummmmm,” Darcy began guiltily. “Maybe? A smidge? He saw my laptop, I didn’t mean--”

“Darcy Elizabeth Lewis, we have discussed this,” Jane said.

“Wow,” Tony said. “The full Mom.”

“She’s surprisingly good at it,” Darcy said.

“You will stay away from Vanko,” Jane said.

“Yes, Mommy Jane, I promise to stay off that floor, not engage, etc., etc.”

 

Darcy really meant to. But she’d left her favorite pen up there. She snuck up when Jane had gone to find Thor at the SI gym. Vanko looked up when she walked in. “They make you go away,” he said.

“Um,” Darcy said. “I don’t have clearance.” The SHIELD guard gave her a micro-nod of encouragement.

“Is okay,” Vanko said. “I am not good influence on nice girl.” He grinned. “I make you present.”

“What?” Darcy said. He held something up. It was a tiny, spinning mechanical charm, made of polished metal. You pressed a button and it opened and closed, a little like a Faberge egg. Inside, there was a tiny bird. Its wings went up and down. “Oh, wow,” she said. “That’s beautiful.” She went to open the door.

“Hold on,” the SHIELD guard said. “I need to scan that.”

“Is not bomb, is gift,” Vanko said, looking offended. Once the SHIELD agent had determined it had no explosive parts and passed it to her, Darcy cupped it gently in her hands.

“Wow,” she repeated.

“You like?” he said.

“Yeah,” she said.  “Just don’t tell Jane.” Vanko chuckled.

 

She was still playing with her little present when the building alarms went off. She and Jane were evacuated. Darcy tucked the charm in her pocket. Tony met them on the sidewalk. “The sonofabitch escaped,” Tony said. “One second he was there, then he wasn’t.”

“What?” Jane said. “How did he get out of the building?”

“He used the prototype,” Darcy said, realization dawning. “Have we lost it?”

“Oh, no,” Tony said bitterly. “He left us a second one, he’s just off in the world somewhere. Him and the bird.”

“Did he give you any indication?” Jane said, studying Darcy’s face.

“Noooooo,” Darcy said. The present in her pocket wasn’t a clue, was it? It couldn’t be….well, she probably shouldn’t show it to Jane, anyway.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phystech= the nickname for students of the Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology
> 
> Darcy's "baby Ivan" laptop photo:
> 
>  


	2. my favorite seminar (Darcy & Pierce)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! Same 'verse as chapter one, sometime later. Not romantic, in case that needs clarification, lol.

“Dr. Pierce was HYDRA? That Dr. Pierce? Alex?!” Darcy repeated, staring at the television. When she’d seen the chyron at the bottom of the screen, her mouth dropped open. Even in Norway, this was making news.

“It’s not like you knew him personally,” Jane said, not looking up from her laptop. They were at a science conference.

“Jane, he was my foreign policy professor!” Darcy said. “We all loved him.”

“You’re kidding?” Jane said.

“Um, no, it was this huge deal, I had to fight my way into his seminar in 2009. Everybody wanted to be in that class because he was so nice for an academic superstar,” Darcy said. “He asked us to call him Alex, too.”

“Nice? The Nazi was nice?” Jane said.

“Oh my God, yeah. It was a mixed grad student and undergraduates seminar and he never let the grad students bully us. He made sure everyone had equal time to talk,” Darcy said, staring at the screen. “He was like the Dr. Bittendorfer of poli sci,” Darcy explained. Dr. Maria Bittendorfer was one of Jane’s favorite mentors. 

“Oh,” Jane said. “Really?”

“Totally. Everyone had this mild crush on him because of this famous photo of him in Afghanistan when he was all young and bearded and blonde,” Darcy said. “Look, there he is!”

“Did he just movie-star smile at the camera?” Jane said, frowning.

“I never suspected a thing. He read my honors thesis on Arab nationalism in the sixties!” Darcy said. “I’m sorry, I can’t stop processing this out loud. When I was thinking of applying to grad school, he invited me to his house. I met his wife. We had green tea! He thought I should look at working for the academic part of the State Dept---oh my God, did he  _ try to recruit me for HYDRA?”  _ she shrieked.

“Um, probably?” Jane said. “You know how criminals love you, Darce. Ivan Vanko, Loki….”

“Oh my God,” Darcy repeated. “I’ve been telling people America’s leading secret Nazi was my favorite professor for years.” She sank down onto the hotel twin bed and looked at Jane.

“What?” Jane said.

“It’s not just you,” Darcy said, shocked. “All this time, I thought weird stuff happened to me because of proximity to your science genius, but weird stuff has been happening without me knowing  _ even before I met you.” _

“Well, that makes me feel good,” Jane grumbled.

“We kept in touch by email. I still have my  _ America and the World, 1945 to Now _ textbook. He wrote the forward,” Darcy said.

“Did his house have anything weird in it?” Jane asked.

“No, it was really nice,” Darcy said. “Very fancy and organized, too.”

“Well, that should have been your first clue he was evil, all good academics are messy people,” Jane said.


End file.
